september 11th


I awoke with a grateful heart. The sun shining, the breeze rustling the tree outside my window, listening to my son gently walking down the stairs as to not disturb anyone.  So much to be grateful & thankful for. Our health. Our home. Each other.  Each of those things which make us feel loved, safe, and secure.

Then I remembered it was “9/11″. My heart immediately shifts. My mind, like most, flashes back to “that day”. Every adult I know can recount exactly what they were doing each moment of September 11, 2001.  I liken it to Pearl Harbor; the stories I heard as a child from my grandparents. The same my children will hear…… except very different.

I was pregnant with my first son. “9.11″ was my due date.  Our EMS friends thought that was great; both my husband & I being in emergency service (firefighters/EMTS) our son being born on 911!   The morning of September 11, 2001, I went to get my hair colored, (as every woman who was about to give birth does) and while driving to the salon, on the radio. I heard, “a plane has hit the world trade center!”.    A chill ran through me.   I called my husband, (who thought I was “delusional”) and insisted he turn on the TV.  I heard the voices of the radio personality in panic . . “another plane has hit the pentagon!”… “we could be under attack!”

For reasons unknown to this day, I continue to my appointment. Arriving, my colorist proceeds as usual as well.  No one else showed up for their appointment, nor did the other workers; it’s just him and me.  There’s no TV, just the radio, and we listen in stunned <robotic> silence.  Occasionally he’d run out to a shop next door that had a TV to look at the images, and called me along to do the same. I had foils on my hair, I was *not!* going outside. So I sat alone and listened. “the building is on fire!” – “people are jumping out of windows of the world trade center!”  In my minds eye I see it all.  I felt the panic rise up inside of me, while imagining being that person in the building so desperate to jump 90 floors. I imagined the people trying to get out, the elevators, and my heart broke for each and then for all of their loved ones.  Alone in a salon, I wept.  As I cried, I begged God to ‘PLEASE! do not let my son be born on this day!’

I came home to find my husband, mother, & father watching our tv. I turned it off, telling them I could not watch.  Tom and I went to the firehouse, where he raced off in an ambulance to help. I hung out with “Mac” – a fellow firefighter who’s office was on the 96 floor of Tower One and who just ‘happened to not go into work that day’.  He was the “96th floors Fire Marshall”.  He talked and talked and talked. Clearly in shock that everyone he had worked with for years were now gone in the fallen buildings.  He knew he cheated death that day.  We talked about that.  He and I drove to the shore of the Hudson River, and saw the smoke rising from NYC; standing there with many others who happen to also came to the water. The stunning silence was broken when someone began saying the Lords Prayer out loud.

For me, standing there, I was captivated by the color of the sky; it was amazing to me just how blue it was.  It will stay with me forever. I kept finding myself looking up at it.  Maybe I was looking at it because I was scared out of my mind because that’s where the terror came from?  Maybe I kept looking up at “heaven”, searching for some sort of answer, or reason for it? Or maybe we were all looking at to catch a glimpse of the thousands souls that were transitioning from this planet? While looking up, I kept praying.

It was 11 years until I could watch some the images of that day on TV. For eleven years I used my imagination, to envision the horror. I didn’t need to see all of it. In my minds eye, I’ve rolled the ‘movie’ hundreds of times, putting myself in their position; what would that feel like to know in an instant you were going to die? That you never had a chance to say all you had to say?  Those things have been torture enough -  its been all I’ve needed.  I still can not bear watch.

Thousands and thousands and thousands more were negatively affected that day.  For each and everyone of us affected, I ask you to feel grateful for the day you have been blessed with.  Remember those who have passed, their lives, their impact on you.  Share more laughter than criticism or anger.  Make as many happy memories you can.  Do more random acts of kindness.  And most of all, tell the people you love that you do with words & actions… every-single-day.

So I end this with a continued sense of gratitude on this day.  No madmen with planes have decided to change history this morning. My sons are safe and healthy, and the sun is still shining and the breeze it still moving the curtains. The sounds I hear are of birds and cicadas and peace. No fear, or sirens…..

And I wish this moment for everyone in the world each day, forever.

I welcome your thoughts about 9/11 and this post.

Thanks for reading.





Evolution of Ourselves

“We are all trying to evolve”, my friend states rather matter-of-factually over coffee.  A part of me thinks: ‘I certainly hope so!’ Then I wonder, are we really *trying* or does it have a more organic feel that often we don’t notice?

Some people feel the sense of their journey, by asking: ‘what is the lesson <in this>?’ or some say, “it’s a sign!” when a reference comes up pertaining to their life at that moment.  Can we really *try* to finesse our journey, or are we who we are, at the exact moment we are meant to be?

For example, the person who drives the same way every-single-day, then impulsively decides to take a different route, and gets into an accident. In what seems like an instant, lives are changed forever. Someone who never buys lottery tickets, and one day is motivated to buy a 1$ quick-pick and wins!  Hesitating to break out of your cookie-cutter fashion sense and buying a shirt in a wild new color for “some reason”, then everyone compliments you on it.  But most of the other times it seems as if you’re an innocent bystander: you loose your job, or a loved one dies suddenly, or someone betrays you.  Is that you trying to evolve, or is it the universe forcing you to see things from a different perspective?  After all, life happens.

So what do you think is that initial impulse that makes someone act differently at that crucial moment?  What is the instigator in which motivates us?  What made us choose that person who becomes a great friend or a lover who betrayed us?  Is it something whispering into our ears?  Intuition?  Coincidence?  The course of events that led up to ‘putting’ that person into that exact place, at that exact moment, would be nearly impossible to choreograph; one second either way would have changed the end result for all people in each of these examples, some for the better some for the worse.  But within the people we meet, the things that happen to us, the good, the bad, the ugly. . . are they our *lessons*?  Or a maybe a ‘warning shot’, by just merely being given a glimpse of fate on how to be, how to treat one another, and how to act ourselves.

A friend once shared with me, “I’ve got a magnet inside me for this…..”  Her story:  One day she walked into a room and came face to face with a person that she ‘must have known in a previous life’. (that’s the only way she could describe it: “the universe definitely wanted us to meet!”)  The chain of crazy ‘coincidences’ that led up to that exact moment could not have been planned.  When they came face to face everything…his smile and smell, nuances and quirkiness seemed magical, and weirdly familiar.  It felt as if lightening struck the way they could talk and be effortless, as “if we’ve known each other forever!”.  In that moment there was no way either of them could have known meeting the other was going to change each of their lives, as she felt something “wild” was happening. They grew with time, sharing a history and intimacy that she finally felt good enough to utter aloud all the things inside her to another person for the first time in her life, and it was reciprocated.  They felt safe.  Then, as suddenly as their beginning was, ‘the signs’ began showing: the same negative stuff she had encountered with past lovers began showing up.  He had that same behavior.  The very things she found repulsive, and made her run from other relationships was back!  “Why does this always happen to me?!?”, she cried!

I had a theory.

I believe the universe keeps showing us or brings in the same lesson until we learn what we are here on earth to learn and conquer that. Some people master lessons quickly and move on to the other lessons.  Some keep doing the same thing over and over because they haven’t evolved enough to jump past that hurdle.  Now perhaps my friend is doing to the same thing, being attracted to the same type of person, because the universe is testing her, presenting her with the same test over and over; she is stuck. Maybe the reason those same nuisances felt like ‘magic’  is because it was familiar?  Familiarity makes us feel safe.  Kind of like the affect drugs &/or alcohol have on a person. So, essentially & weirdly, she is an addict.  Not only is she is addicted to the rush of that relationship, she always chooses the same “drug” <man>.  Coupled with that she is addicted to the “script”; unable to break free from her lines, to ad-lib and improv.  She is stuck.  And that is why that ‘keeps happening to her’.

So how does one break free from the habits that hold us back preventing evolution?  Awareness: we have to be aware there is a pattern of behavior.  Bravery: to be brave enough to see that we are all flawed and struggling.  Therapy: we always need the right tools in our tool box of life to help us do better, and be better.  Acceptance: accept that we are in need of help.  Trust: that we are in the mist of evolution, and just how wonderful that is!  Lastly, but certainly not the least: Thankfulness! Thanking God/The Universe/ your Spirit Guides, for believing enough in us that we can evolve and conquer, and learn how to move past the things that are slowing us down, and are hurting us; ultimately comfortably leaving turmoil behind.  Then we can catapult into happiness and peace.

So yes! I believe we can finesse our journey; so we can advance our lives in a healthier, happier way.  Even though growth hurts sometimes, it’s moving to a place of betterment.  So as we evolve, organically, or with real hard and painful work, we are improving our lives, making our journey and the journey of others around us better!

Remember, life is a school, we must learn while we are here to make progress!

Thanks for reading . . . and as always I welcome comment and discussion on this post.





Social media and social responsibility . . .

As you’ve noticed I like to write. I enjoy putting my thoughts out there for comment & discussion. It’s cathartic for me, and it’s fun to say what I need to in the fewest possible words, because (as I’ve been told) verbally, there are times when I can’t stop blabbering. <shocker> I try to be clever, and make people want to read what I have to say.

I began to journal regularly when I was in my twenties, my brother asked me if I “journaled”. “You mean a diary?”, thinking back to when I spewed all my most private moments into my pink heart diary with a lock that assured privacy, only to find out my mother broke into it and used that information to punish me. So no! I did not journal. But the idea appealed to me, and I embarked on many years of doing it on and off. Some of the journals I’ve kept, some I’ve tossed. I even burned one. ( talk about cathartic!)    Those journals helped me through my most private times of bliss and anguish. They celebrated my triumphs, and failures in life and love, peppered with heart doodles, and different colored inks. They were also wrinkled and stained with tears mourning the passing of loved ones, and bumps in my life. Those books served their purpose fully. They helped me process my life and my emotions at that moment. The journals time-stamped my life! What a gift to (re)read through them, proud of growth, and realizing the *same* issue that plagued me still somehow remains unresolved many years later. Lessons.  Those private books, along with some therapy, helped me through my life. Recently, I asked some of  my friends if they  “journal”.  A resounding “no”.  Yet they all sit before computers daily, using facebook, twitter, google+ and/or the 10 or so other social media “outlets” and they share everything from the weather, to headaches, elation about bargains found, photos of children, vacations, and every single thing that happens in their house, and work, and life. Oh, and don’t forget politics! (oy!)   Some have cleverly mastered how to do this in 140 characters or less. (guilty) Yet, others call out “friends” and use these outlets to ‘diss’ someone, be hurtful, share a secret, or be covert in wanting to “share” without saying it to someone’s face using hashtags. Don’t get me wrong, social media is great to see photos of your grandkids births, or those who live 2000 miles away winning championships, or reconnecting with high school pals, etc.             Social media IS social journaling.

So now here we are. Our ‘stuff’ is  *out there* for the world to see. It’s certainly not a private journal, it’s public. It’s not a book that you close, put on a shelf, and shield from the world. It’s out into the universe. And for me, this is where this all gets dicey. See, I believe with all my heart in God, The Universe, and what we put out is what we get back.  Simply stated: Karma.  To read on a feed, negative thoughts, bad things about others, foul language, etc., it’s not only not fun, but it makes me worry!  There are literally billions of status’ and tweets every day. All of those thoughts are floating in the universe. We think because we said them, that’s healing, and while it may help at that moment . . . it will not help collectively. I feel we should be more responsible with our posts.

Negative thoughts attract more negativity.  Think about how those negative comments mount and add up. How much negative energy is the social media venue heaping upon humankind, without ever considering the effects on us collectively! What do you think would happen if every one of  500 million people on Facebook, and 175 million people on Twitter put an uplifting, happy, positive comment on their status’?  Now that would be amazing to see!

Last night, I saw “The Lorax”, Dr. Seuss; in which there was a line: (loosely stated):

” …it’s not the information, it’s what you <we> do with it.”

So maybe before you vent on the internet, to the entire world, a negative comment, think about how its just not helpful to the universe, and how it could <read: will>  come back to you!  Then try to flip it around to make it positive! Or if you must get it out, go buy a journal, where you can write anything you wish, and it will not negatively impact the universe.

As always, I welcome comments and dialogue!



Happy Twenty-Twelve!

We spend January 1 walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives… not looking for flaws, but for potential.

I believe we all have potential. Whether that is to believe you are special and deserve to feel worthy everyday, which you are! Or, to merely *not* look at the ‘glass half empty’.  I understand how we can look back, and say ‘good riddance 2011!’  I might have muttered that once or twice in the past few days!

But from that sentiment, what was it that we wanted to see go?  If you could do it over would you?

Frankly, yes! I would do 2011 all over again! I know people who know me reading this are saying: “WHAT!?!?… are you nuts?”  And yes, maybe I am. But honestly, if I had to do all the not so nice stuff over again, I would still be able to do the amazing things all over too! And *that* is why. I would be able to hang out with my sons longer, go on the roller coasters with them again, have picnics, and s’mores. I would be able to see my new friends from Japan again, I would get more kisses, and I would be able to laugh for 365 more days with my sisterhood than I can now!  The bad stuff .. well ok.. that part sucked, but it still wasn’t as bad as the best part!

So for me, again, it’s a choice. I hope you make the choice to see the potential in your life for this new year 2012. It’s going to be fabulous year, full of love and glowing energy that will evoke a positive change for humanity. I believe this will be our best year yet. I can just feel it! I look forward to sharing it with you, and having even more s’mores, and <good> roller coaster rides. I wish for everyone reading this a healthy, loving, happy, wonderful year full of more laughs than tears.

And remember, if you truly believe, it will occur.




Know the Feeling

I have this odd sort of feeling when I know things will happen.  So many times I have a ‘knowing’ about things.

I’ve had a health issue for a couple of years, which has required surgeries and somewhat constant physician monitoring. Recently, I had a scan that showed “something”.  To figure out what this ‘something’ was turned out to be a fairly complex process.

So, I decided to ask some friends in high places to wiggle their noses and get me an ‘audience’ with “whoever is the best in the business”.  I needed to hear another voice.  (not just the ones in my head!)

I received a call from the ‘inside’ and was told  3 doctors’ names; the moment I heard this particular Dr.’s name,  I *knew* I would see him. Yet when I called his assistant I was met with a wall, and a long list of reasons to pass on a consultation with him. The stream of demands/distractions: ‘he’s going on vacation’, ‘in surgery’, etc.,. ‘but send your history, and we will have a look.’ was endless. The assistant even said, “I bet he is going to refer you to another doctor in this group, because he is not taking any new patients.” This information didn’t even phase me. They basically continued to line up the hoops, and I continued to jump through; because I was certain I was going to see this doctor!

So, I did everything they asked, and peppered it with my trademark humor, and in a matter of hours, it was evident that my meticulous record keeping of my medical history, and my gut instinct, was going to pay out….

I got the call!  “He will see you”.   SNAP!

I guess the point I am trying to make – once again – is:  LISTEN!   I believe we all have this. You know that feeling you get when you meet someone, and the red flag is flying up in your face: Beware!  Or, when your boss tells you ‘not to worry’, but the sinking feeling in your stomach in saying something else:  Pay attention!

So now I have a question….

What do you think *is* our intuition??  Do you agree that we all have it?  I’m interested in hearing what you think.

Please reply here, or feel free to in-box me.

Peace :)

Be Mindful of Kindness

“I have no desire to move mountains, construct monuments, or leave behind in my wake material evidence of my existence. But, in the final recollection, if the essence of my being has caused a smile to have appeared upon your face or a touch of joy within your heart . . . Then in living – I have made my mark.” (Thomas L. Odem)

When reading this quote I recall a person who I had met only a handful of times in my life before he passed over. He was well into his 80′s; I was about 6 when he passed over.

My grandmothers sisters husband Vincent’s legacy lives on to this day. When my old Italian uncle Vincent spoke, no one could understand what he was saying. Every sentence of ‘broken English’ was infused with a giggle or chuckle, and all the words were blended & mumbled together, yet he understood everything. He got it! Except for the driving laws; I’m told he crashed more cars then most, usually smashing windshields with his head! Yet, in the small Italian neighborhood it wasn’t his awful driving he was remembered for; he was known for something more. Something bigger. Remembered for something way better.

I hardly recall this man in person, but in my mind he is alive as ever. He gave me a plant that I thought was so beautiful. It was chickadee plant that sat inside of a hollowed husk/shell of a coconut. He turned it into a hanging plant with some old wires he had lying around, and I felt like the most special little girl on the planet when he said… “Tak-a-homa!” with a chuckle, shoving it into my arms.

I remember the summer days in his fabulously lush garden. He let us children in, and allowed us to touch, and he taught us how to carefully pick the flowers off the zucchini plants, which my great aunt rose lovingly battered and fried to perfection. A bit of heaven right there in the Bronx. As a child, I thought he was magical. Surely no other adult let us tromp through their garden…no less actually touch something!

Throughout the years since he’s passed over, I’ve heard everyone who knew him say the same thing… “Oh! Vincent! Nicest guy you’d ever want to meet! “He’d give you the shirt off his back!”
No one ever had anything negative to say about uncle Vincent – only positive!

Every single story was peppered with the same flavor: if you would say to Vincent ..’ I like that!….’ Or ‘I need a shovel’, or ‘I’m going to buy some plants’… anything in the course of conversation, he would turn on his heel and go get you the very thing that you mentioned. I am sure if you said you needed a 17 purple toadstools, he would some how find them in his tool shed or around the yard, and give them to you in a mason jar… like magic!
So here’s a man who has been dead for more than 40 years, and people *still* recall him with a smile, and a compliment, like it was only yesterday that he touched their hearts.

The day I that realized this, I thought: ‘What an amazing gift!!’ ‘… how many people can we say that about in our lives?’
And I liked the thought of being *that* person in my own life. Being someone who left a mark on someones spirit. My impact doesn’t necessarily have to be life changing for everyone, everyday, but merely trying to have a positive impact was key! At first it was difficult to curb the negative thoughts that rolled in my head throughout the day in this crazy busy world. But after a while of trying, it isn’t difficult, because it brings me joy doing good things!

So I made this mantra: “be mindful of kindness and all of the energy that I send out of myself in everything I do, everyday.”

Imagine if everyone tried to be mindful of this?… to just try to live their lives so that the essence of their beings caused a smile or a touch of joy?

I think we could achieve peace! Peace within. Peace in the world! And, this concept has two sides; this theory flows in two directions. In & out. Out from you, then back into you.  And once that flow is bidirectional with great masses of people then that is when the universe will be at peace on every level. And it will be magical, just like dear sweet Uncle Vincent showed the world.

I welcome your insights on this.

The Day “My Voice” Appeared!

Most of us walk around asking questions out loud or in our heads. We want to know ‘Why?’ or ‘How did this happen?’ or ‘What’s going to happen?’.  We’ve all done it at one time or another – or- sometimes even everyday. I’d say it’s pretty normal behavior to ask questions without actually directing them to a person, and normally we do not expect a response. But I believe deep down, inside ourselves, we all know there is a way to get to the answer(s) of our questions. Otherwise, why would we (and everyone we know) toss out these questions in the first place?

I learned years ago about this process of getting answers. Here is what I do:  I ask.

Then here’s the hard part: I **wait**  and listen for an answer.

Easy? Well, no not at first! But it will become easier as you learn. The main thing to understand is that this is a 10% to 90% process. 10% is in the asking. The balance is in the listening.  And then it’s another 100% trust or faith.

Here’s a good way to begin….

Have a question, (and no! not ‘what are the winning lottery numbers?’ Ha!), each of us has “big”  “burning” questions: Will I marry? Will I move? And other various things that happen in our day to day lives, about jobs, family matters, health, and as always: about LOVE!  Try asking a ‘small’ question, one that’s almost easy to get answered. For example, ask your ‘Higher Power’ or ‘God,’ or whatever you feel is the center of the Universe, whatever it is you want to know.

My very first experience with “my voice” was when my brother called me and said he was coming into town, and “needed to speak with me!”.  I was concerned, because he & I had our share of tense moments in our lives, especially since my mother had passed over. I felt anxious that he would want to drum up old issues, and I did not want any confrontation with him. I harbored no ill-will; he was my brother, I loved him very much!  But something in my head told me, “Ut oh! Something is up!”  That worried feeling in my stomach told me to take notice!  So I asked: “What does he want? What could he possibly want to “talk” about ?” I asked those two questions, for weeks, over and over, as the impending meeting date approached.

On the day he was coming over, I was in the shower, as the water rained down on me, with my head against the tile,  the questions spilled out of me yet again: “What is he going to say?”  Still nothing. I toweled off and walked into my bedroom, and then a voice, as clear as if someone was standing behind me – whispered into my ear.  It was loud enough and clear as a bell.  The voice said: “He’s not well.”  And that was it! I knew it was true the instant I heard it. I was both relieved and very sad. But it was like. ” Oh! Of course!” It felt right as soon as I heard it, even though it was the furthest thing from my mind.  Sadly, it was confirmed the moment, I laid my eyes on him, seeing his frail pale body walking toward me. My brother confirming what “my voice” told me shook my world! . . . I knew what he was going to say before he said it! My heart was broken, but I was also in complete awe of what happened.

For days after, I kept hearing those words from “my voice.” I kept replaying the sound of the voice in my head. It was my spirit guide. My truth teller.  I could not let this pass. I was floored!  And I later recognized this was the beginning of my true spiritual awakening!

As time went on, I’ve realized this is not exclusive to me, or just a select few, but to everyone! We all have intuition!  We have to learn to be patient. Wait until it’s right for the universe to give that information. So you must listen for it! Pay attention to the signs. They may be oh-so subtle. Or as clear as a voice in your ear or head. But always trust it, and do not let logic take over. You have to believe that you are a vibration in the universe and that if you tune in, and let it be known that you are an open willing recipient of this information, you can hear vibrations or answers ( or more!) from other planes in the universe.

So go ahead! Try it! Try this exercise: think of someone in your life. Make your intention pure, and have it come from love.  Then pull them – their image – their laugh, or whatever sticks out about them for you, into your mind. And make that like a snap shot or mini movie. Think about that over in your head whenever you have a moment or a quiet time..but often…several times a day. Before you know it, the phone will be ringing or an email will show up in your inbox, or you will run into them on the street!  But it will happen.  The more you practice this, the more it will come.  And when it does, *do not* forget to thank the universe, acknowledge that you understand and are grateful for this gift of information. The more you are thankful and grateful, the more the universe and your spirit guides will do for you.

And the last tidbit about this I wish to share is: patience. Remember, things will be revealed to you as they are meant to be, and sometimes, when you ask, and you don’t get an answer; it’s not necessarily because ‘it’s not working!’  . . .  maybe, just maybe it’s because it’s not time to get that information, or the answer is “no”.  But in either of these cases, you will have a ‘knowing’ that’s the answer. . . . if you listen.

So try it, and let me know how it works!

Remember: ask, believe, trust, and listen.

love & peace :)